*Tails-155

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About Varied / Hobbyist Premium Member Teirusu Reynard22/Male/United States

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#MentalJackhammer
Break that artist's block!

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My Little Pony Friendship Is Pixel Art

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Because MLP. Seriously.

Scootaloo's Personal Diary - Entry 1

by *Tails-155, May 22, 2012, 7:42:28 AM
Fan Art / Fan Fiction / General Fiction

{[(Author's note for the readers: The pages are linked as "Next" and "Previous" in the comments. There is more than one section! No need to dig through my thousands of deviations to find where the pieces are!)]}

[Scootaloo's Diary is a leather-bound "Forever Pages" enchanted diary with her name hoofwritten in smudged permanent ink. It is hoofwritten by what looks to be a fairly young pony. The edges of the pages are all warped as if it has been dropped in a puddle or left out in the rain. Various pages appear to have things tucked within.]

Entry 1:

Auntie Raincloud said I should start writing a diary with memories of my parents. She bought me this special notebook that has lots and lots of paper, even though it's not very big. Mama and Papa have become very sick, she says, and I may want to see these someday, she tells me. I don't know what she means, are Mama and Papa going somewhere?

Anyway, I feel like I may give this a try. I do like to write. Mama and Papa are in the hospital right now. Mama said she'd be fine, she's just a little sick.

Last week we were out at the park and Mama and Papa seemed fine. Papa and I were playing and he was holding me up like I was flying, telling me one day I would be a talented flyer like the Wonderbolts.

Mama was watching from under a tree. She was just resting. We had been walking around the town for a long time. She bought me strawberries. They're my favorite.

I can't really remember anything else right now. Maybe that's why Auntie Raincloud said I should do this. I know my parents have done a lot of fun things with me, but I can't remember them right now. [Small drawing of a frowning pony]

Oh, also, the strawberries were yummy! I hope that once Mama and Papa get better we'll be able to go get more!

My surprisingly successful fan fiction I have grown very proud of.

Featured Condensed

En Fugue - Part 1 - The Beginning of the End    When I was young, I wanted to be a scientist, a biologist. Animals have always fascinated me. To think that we are the great, great, great, great to the nth degree grandcousins of the foxes and the owls always gave me a special love for nature.
    You see, I’m no fighter. Never have been. I’m not strong; I’m not aggressive; I hate fighting. That is, I used to be that, as a boy. I still hate fighting, but I had to become a fighter in spite of that. I had to take up arms to fight for my life, and for the lives of everyone dear to me.
    Things change in the face of fear. Things change in the face of hate. Things change when you have something, or someone to fight for. I've done things I would have never dreaded in my wildest nightmares to escape tragedy. I'm not proud of everything from my past, but I'm proud that those I love are safe.
    I need to back up for a second. My name is AnEn Fugue - Part 1 - The Beginning of the End by *Tails-155

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Scootaloo's Personal Diary - Entry 1

{[(Author's note for the readers: The pages are linked as "Next" and "Previous" in the comments. There is more than one section! No need to dig through my thousands of deviations to find where the pieces are!)]}

[Scootaloo's Diary is a leather-bound "Forever Pages" enchanted diary with her name hoofwritten in smudged permanent ink. It is hoofwritten by what looks to be a fairly young pony. The edges of the pages are all warped as if it has been dropped in a puddle or left out in the rain. Various pages appear to have things tucked within.]

Entry 1:

Auntie Raincloud said I should start writing a diary with memories of my parents. She boughtScootaloo's Personal Diary - Entry 1 by *Tails-155

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My Little Pony Friendship Is Pixel Art by *Tails-155

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IRT Sunflower SutraManufactured corpses
     scattered disrepair
   shattered
     alone
    sullen
     decaying
With tree root wires,
     rebar
     pipes
    trunk of oil drums
    leaves of scrap paper and foil
Leaking batteries, a head of a doll, a broken glass
    I raise
Here's to you, the fallen, forgotten
To you, returning to the soil from whence you came
I raise this shattered glass to your shattered window, long dead IRT Sunflower Sutra by *Tails-155

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LEGO Phoenix by *Tails-155

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EmbersThe leaves fall like embers and I am seared.
Gas-choked rivers glow from everburning flames.
The air of sulfur and hydrocarbon cocktail
Lead in the food, lead in the water
All is gray and black and fiery oranges, yellows, and reds of blood and flame alike.
Pacifists pushing for change
                 for rights
                 for medicine
                 for anything
Sawed to pieEmbers by *Tails-155

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Some of the pieces I'm proudest of creating.

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Over Eight Hours and Nothing To ShowThere's a thing known as the "Three Eights." The idea that eight hours of a day should be dedicated to sleep, work, and recreation, respectively. Typically this is how society tries to veil itself as functioning.

As of February 2013, the average cost of food in the US for a family of four (est. children of 7 and 11, father aged 30s, mother aged 30s), is, in the cheapest scenario shown, 636.30 a month, or 146.90 a week (587.60, the price we'll use for the rest of this, as it is the lowest scenario.) On average, a person who works full time minimum wage on a single job is $290 a week. Electricity, estimated by the EIA (most recent estimations Over Eight Hours and Nothing To Show by *Tails-155

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Scootaloo's Personal Diary - Entries 304-9Entry 304:

I woke up this morning and felt really bad, I'm all achy. I have a sore throat and my nose is all stuffed up. Featherweight and I were going to hang out, but I don't want to make him sick, too. I guess I'm staying in, today. [The pages of this entry have several drawings across the pages.]

Being sick is sooo boring. I don't get sick very much, but every time I do it's always crummy.

Dad made me some of the tea Pipsqueak got me, and some soup. Mom read me a couple of the Daring Do books. I may not be flying, but even spending time with Mom like this makes me happy. I see why she likes the books, too, they're really exciting!

DadScootaloo's Personal Diary - Entries 304-9 by *Tails-155

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Scootaloo's Personal Diary - Entries 301-3Entry 301:

Featherweight tried to calm me down at recess. He said I need to stop freaking out about Diamond Tiara. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom said I didn't need to let her walk all over me just because she's rich. Featherweight says I'm overreacting. I just don't want to cause trouble for Mom and Dad. Diamond Tiara is loving it. She spent all recess making fun of me, and I felt like I couldn't do anything. Why does she even need to act like this anyway? What's her deal?

I felt crummy all afternoon. Featherweight couldn't cheer me up for a long time. Finally he started to get upset and I felt worse. I was almost in tears. Diamond Tiara weScootaloo's Personal Diary - Entries 301-3 by *Tails-155

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Journal History

Apr 4, 2013 We Don't Want You Here (Probably Just Whining)
Jan 26, 2013 Critiques of One of My Favorite Shows
Jan 24, 2013 The End of The Watermark
Jan 19, 2013 Pony Pics Part Two: Favpony Fanfic Feature
Jan 13, 2013 Can't Sit Still -- FavPony Fanart Feature
Jan 12, 2013 Signs, Puzzles, and Blogs, Some of My Thoughts
Jan 9, 2013 The Deal With Bronies Pt. 2: TV in the RW Era
Dec 5, 2012 The Deal With Bronies: Not So Anomalous
Nov 12, 2012 Slenderguy's Gonna Get Ya
Oct 10, 2012 R.I.P.

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We Don't Want You Here (Probably Just Whining)

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 4, 2013, 6:59 PM

Facebook l Gallery l dA Portfolio l Watch Me l Note Me

I don't typically write about life because I don't really know how much anyone even cares on here. However, I need to vent a bit. I have been working at a grocery store for about eight months, now. It's not much, but it's a job. I was happy to get my first job after somewhat of a struggle to find anyone who wouldn't just throw my resume in the trash, even with an English degree with Creative Writing Emphasis, departmental honors, an Eagle Rank, a university-specific Research Program Certification, and a Business minor. It's worn on me, though. Every day I am there I feel less and less confident in myself because there is no such thing as positive criticism. Basically, nobody does good enough, and even if they do, they need to do better, and anything they do that is good enough is only temporary.

There are many aspects to my job. Checking, bagging, helping people to their cars, cleaning, recycling, promoting events (double fuel point events, charity events, etc.), courtesy, politeness, and cleanliness. I also have taken to being the person more or less in charge of keeping the cigarette counter organized, and I am on the green team. Neither of these additional responsibilities pays me more, and I make just over minimum wage, and I have two student loans and a car loan I need to pay off. The pay stress isn't big in and of itself because I get enough hours that I can bank my paycheck and pay off the loans. That is until today.

I have had trouble lately with getting scheduled late, because I set my availability from early to late, which is my fault. However, that fault is the only thing getting me hours. I basically stop functioning after about 8:00, from something of boredom and fatigue or whatever, and even though it's not a super stressful job, I end up spending a lot of my days off sleeping, sometimes I'm tired enough that even if I have company I have fallen asleep while they're here. It's embarrassing, but even when I go to bed at reasonable times, I just feel drained. I also feel no guilt in blaming a bit of my lack of creativity as of late on work, because I get in such a rigid "realistic" state of mine.

The "until today" I refer to, and why the late scheduling is important is that I want to shorten my availability, cutting off three hours of my time, but if I do that I KNOW I will be docked hours, possibly to where I can't afford to pay for my loans. I am stuck, in that I either have to work hours where I hardly function well, or I lose my chance to make a "decent" (comparatively speaking) paycheck from week to week. Further, there is no guarantee that after a shift lasting until 10PM I won't have to work 7AM the next day, it happens to my coworkers all the time.

The turn for the worse happened today, as well. Not only did I get a schedule that mostly involves late shifts, but I was pulled aside by my supervisor who informed me my checker speed isn't fast enough and needs to improve. A fair criticism. They tell me my sense of urgency isn't strong enough, which I find strange in that I am so obsessed about my speed that any time my speed is slowed by things out of my control, I internally get quite upset, even though things happen all the time.

It only gets worse. The conversation went from there to how our store's checker score average is dropping, lately. He followed up this by informing me that those employees who get the most hours have far sub par checker scores "bringing everyone else down." I'm not the kind to shrug things off easily, and it turned, in part, to direct blame, at one point when he said it was people like me dragging down our average. That in and of itself was its own insult. No encouragement that I could do better, just that I am sapping our statistics, and hurting the store.

Further, my mind read into it, compared the two discussions, and read from it that he wishes those of us who have lots of availability would either speed up (to their bafflingly high standard) or be less available than our faster employees. That translates in my mind as "We don't really want you here, we just need you here, unfortunately."

My self-esteem already crumbles on the daily at this job, because I'm always told what needs to be better, even though I know for a fact I do certain things well. I take pride in my store, being one of the first few employees at it. I work for a franchise I will not name here, for sake of the company. It's a highly frustrating situation. I do plenty of things that go above and beyond the average worker. I try my best, at work, to keep a positive attitude, far more positive outside than I am inside. I receive, so it feels, and this could all be paranoia and overreaction, but it seems as though I receive more respect from coworkers everywhere else outside my department (general merchandise, grocery, most produce people, etc.) than inside (the front end, checkers, and customer service.)

I've talked with my head supervisor, the person in charge of my schedule among other things and told them that I've always had interest in leading, but if it means I have to become as jaded and condescending as the leadership I see every day on the front end, I'd rather do without. There is no give and take, it seems like most of the people I work with use all their smiles and positivity on the mandatory customer interaction and have none left for anything resembling respect to their coworkers, with a few rare exceptions (people, not situations, most of the rude people are consistently and constantly rude.)

I need a job to pay for my loans, I can't lose this job, but outside of my fiscal gains, every other part of my life is at a loss. I don't leave the house barring the rare occasion I go to a concert, alone. I have one friend who comes over, and I have had several conflicts with the way that goes over. I have become a nasty person to be around when I am home, more sarcastic than usual, and even more reclusive than during my abusive elementary school years. I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience a B.S. job, but at the end of the day, the worst part is that when I talk to most of my family members, they say one of two things that end up feeling more insulting than helpful, despite intentions: "Be happy you have a job, plenty of people are still out there looking for anything." Which makes it seem like "it doesn't matter that you have problems, be happy anyway." and reminds me that I am 100% replaceable by the next guy, as if work itself doesn't remind me that constantly. Or, "Keep looking for a new job, you spend most of your time downstairs goofing off when you could be looking." As if anyone else is going to hire me. I've applied for more than a couple jobs at this point, I haven't even received a rejection notice or an invitation to interview more than twice.

A list of things I do, that I don't need to include all sorts of things. The most difficult, and out of the way thing being that I clean up our recycle bins, even when not requested to do it. This includes placing the bags other employees leave laying around the bins inside the bins, even after those employees have been informed not to leave bags on the ground, overflow goes inside in the trash bin where it can be sorted at a later date, without the eyesore that can very easily upset customers. I also check the restrooms for cleanliness more or less every time I return from lunch, even though I'm not necessarily scheduled to do so. I also make sure when I collect carts to collect all of them, instead of leaving behind the remainders after large collections. I also check stalls and the sidewalks and bike racks for carts, and occasionally go to the elderly home next door and round up the carts that are left over there. This is occasionally my job, but even when it isn't, I still keep it in mind depending on the needs. I remove all garbage (napkins, leftover bags, ads, etc.) from the cart, something that is supposed to be part of the jobs, but one that few, if anyone else seems to do. I adjust the cart rack locations if they push into parking stalls. I am not sure anyone else does this besides management. I keep the cigarette counter organized, and properly stocked (despite coworkers taking individuals from cartons when individuals are already available, leaving the case looking like a mess.) To my knowledge, only three of us (outside of General Merchandise, which is in charge of the case on paper) do this, and none of us smoke. I face items when it's not busy in the middle of the day instead of standing around, I find empty bulk boxes and collect them, then place them in the cardboard baler. I've done deep cleans of the register areas when they are a mess, including spraying and wiping down the shelving areas and organizing the drawers. This is occasionally assigned, but I rarely see someone do as much to clean it as I do, only a couple others would I trust to do this.

I have been told, to date, by my superiors, that one doesn't trust me (or any coworker) with money, at a grocery store. I have been told that I am annoying by my superiors, more than one. I have been told by a superior that nobody likes me. I have been told by a superior that when I report people for things that, until that point, I understood to be a big deal (nobody told me to relax on things, they just went from "I'll keep that in mind" to...) that they fear I look like an "asshole" (literatum) to coworkers. And the only real serious, direct, to my face compliment I can recall is that I try harder than anyone else at the job. This compliment is important to me for more than one reason:

Firstly, it means that this company knows for a fact that I care about my job, and I try to do things right, and attempt to correct what I do wrong. I understand being short on the front end to an extent, because it is fast paced, and a whole discussion cannot develop from everything that happens. However, if that's the case, then short "good job" things are even more important, because short negativity clings a lot longer, and can kill morale.

Secondly, even in that, while it is a genuine compliment, when trying is the only thing I can do right, what does that mean about how they see me?

I may be putting words in their mouth, but I see myself as wholly expendable and insignificant to them. Especially coupled with what happened today.

Business may be a place of ethics on a need-only basis, but humanity shouldn't. Business wise it makes sense to let go of the stragglers, but when there's not enough empathy to encourage success, instead pushing that the employee is a functional dead weight on the day to day, it's not a healthy environment. I am not the only employee I have seen break down in tears at work. I'm not the only one turned bitter and cynical when there's nobody watching every move. I've seen conversations in which people talk about how they know they can do as poor as they want, because they know management won't fire them, because it costs the company more to fire them than to have a worker not meeting their standards. I've heard conversations about people saying one of our managers always whines about doing jobs that need to be done, implicitly because it's below them. I've heard coworkers lie to win and fudge the rules several times, some of which I would have reported if I felt safe doing so, but it's gotten so bad I don't even know that I won't get in trouble for reporting them. I've heard employees apathetic to losing their job because they didn't like it. And even with all of this, our team that analyzes work morale and attempts to promote a positive atmosphere has stated "There is no morale problem at the store."

Pardon this gigantic venting session, but today just really got to me. There is only so much one person can handle before the fuse is lit. Unfortunately, this just means I have to start bottling up for the next explosion. Sorry for those of you that sat through all 2000+ words of this, but I needed to release.

CSS made by `TwiggyTeeluck
Texture by `Princess-of-Shadows

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Mood: Remorse
Listening to: Powerpop
Reading: The Internet
Watching: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Playing: Minecraft
Eating: Chipotle
Drinking: Storebrand Drink Mix

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*Tails-155

Teirusu Reynard
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied

United States

I like to try out various types of art. If you want to use full sized versions of any of my stuff for a project, just contact me by a note or a comment on the item and let me know!

I do lots of favoriting and am very passionate about art and music. Feel free to message me and chat!

DO NOT EXPECT LLAMAS FOR LLAMAS! Since I favorite and watch pretty easily, I want my llamas to be meaningful gifts I give to people who do something really awesome or helpful! If you receive a llama from me, you've really earned it!

I REALLY want to thank everyone for favoriting my work... The volume is to the point, now, when I do my mass uploads that I can't thank everyone without getting marked for spam. As such, I can't thank you all independently now

!

If you have favorited anything, from here on out, I REALLY thank you, and if there were no spam cap, I'd still probably dig through everything and thank you all. I may still try, but if you don't receive a message, I'm not being rude, I just can't thank everyone in any reasonable way!

My watchers are awesome! My favoriters are great! I just can't do it! I got 9 pages of favorites today (6/30/2012)! Definitely not complaining, but that'd be like, a day's worth of thank yous, since it's hard to tell when I can comment again.

I sincerely appreciate any and all support, and if I could hug you all, I would!

So, just because I don't thank you doesn't mean I don't 100% appreciate you doing what you have done for me. You don't have to, and the fact that you do is wonderful!

TL;DR: Can't feasibly thank all the people who favorite my work on your pages, so if you favorite my work, thank you thank you thank you!

www.myspace.com/djteirusureynard

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Comments

~Crystalstarlove May 7, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

Thanks for adding my pic to your collection!!

*Tails-155 May 8, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Mhm! :V

*hirolu Apr 19, 2013 Professional Interface Designer

Thank you so much for the fave kindly!

My greetings from Okinawa Japan!

Have a great day!

A(￣○￣)RI(￣◇￣)GA(￣△￣)TO(￣0￣)U

*Tails-155 Apr 20, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Of course!

I've been to Japan before, but never to Okinawa.

*hirolu Apr 23, 2013 Professional Interface Designer

Great!!!

~Lu-Becks Apr 19, 2013

Thx 4

*Tails-155 Apr 19, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Mhm :V

~Amino-Z3 Apr 6, 2013

Thanks for the fav

*Tails-155 Apr 6, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Of course!

~planetawarner Apr 3, 2013 New member Hobbyist General Artist

Thanks for the faves

*Tails-155 Apr 3, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Of course!

~Teh-TJ Apr 3, 2013

THAT Tails-155? Wow, I didn't know you'd be such a big pony fan! Cool beans.

*Tails-155 Apr 3, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

"That Tails-155?" What ya mean? o.o

~Teh-TJ Apr 3, 2013

The one well-known for his particular brand of Super Mario World rom-hacking and the like.

But if you have no idea, then perhaps it's just coincidence! Sorry about that(?)